How to manage children’s tantrums?

· ¿What Triggers Tantrums?
· ¿How Can We Manage Tantrums in an Educational Way?
· Tantrums Are Predictable

Childhood tantrums are a common challenge for parents. These moments, when our little ones become a whirlwind of uncontrolled emotions with kicking, screaming, and crying, can be truly frustrating and exhausting.

Tantrums are a normal part of child development, especially between the ages of one and four. During this stage, children are learning to manage their emotions, and tantrums are often an expression of their frustration at their inability to do so. They are a way for young children, who have not yet developed the necessary verbal and emotional skills, to express their frustration, anger, or helplessness. Although these episodes can be stressful for parents, handling them properly can teach children valuable life skills.

For older children, tantrums can become a learned behavior. If you reward tantrums with something your child wants—or allow them to get their way through a tantrum—they are likely to continue doing it.

When children are prone to tantrums beyond the typical age range, it is often a symptom of distress they are struggling to manage. Sometimes, closely analyzing the pattern of a child’s tantrums reveals an underlying issue that needs attention, such as a traumatic experience, abuse or neglect, social anxiety, ADHD, or a learning disorder.

As parents, our role is not to suppress or punish these tantrums but to help our children healthily manage them. This is where education and love play a crucial role. Emotional regulation and behavior control are skills that develop slowly over time during childhood. Just like any other skill, children need to learn and practice it with your help.

What Triggers Tantrums?

Tantrums can be triggered by various factors, such as:

• Tiredness: When children are tired, their ability to regulate emotions is reduced, making them more prone to tantrums.
• Hunger: Low blood sugar can cause irritability and bad moods in children, which can trigger a tantrum.
• Overstimulation: Too much activity or noise can overwhelm young children, leading to a tantrum.
• Frustration: When children can’t get what they want or don’t know how to express their needs, they may resort to tantrums as a form of communication.
• Lack of attention: Sometimes, tantrums are simply a way for children to get their parents’ attention.

How Can We Manage Tantrums in an Educational Way?

1. Stay Calm: Parents must remain calm during their child’s tantrum. If we get angry or yell, the situation will only get worse. Take a deep breath, speak in a calm voice, and avoid direct eye contact if your child is very upset.
   
2. Validate Their Emotions: It’s important to let your child know that you understand how they feel. When your child puts their feelings into words, it’s your job to listen and show that you understand. If your child struggles to find the right words, help them: you could say things like, “I see that you’re angry,” “I know you’re frustrated,” or “That must have hurt your feelings.” This will help them feel understood and reduce their anger. This technique not only acknowledges the child’s feelings but also teaches them how to label their emotions. However, while recognizing your child’s feelings, be clear that strong emotions are not an excuse for bad behavior.
   
3. Offer Alternatives: If the tantrum is due to the child wanting something they can’t have, offer alternatives. For example, if they want a toy in the store, you could say, “I know you want that toy, but we can’t buy it right now. How about we play with a different toy at home?”
   
4. Set Clear Limits: Children must have clear boundaries about what is acceptable and what isn’t. If your child is having a tantrum because they want to do something that isn’t allowed, tell them calmly but firmly. Don’t give in to their tantrums, as this will only teach them that they can get what they want through this behavior. Talk about the house rules frequently so your children know what is expected of them. Be clear about what is and isn’t acceptable, without using threats, accusations, or humiliation. Your children will understand the message if you make clear, simple statements about what’s off-limits and explain what you expect them to do. You could say, “We don’t allow shouting in this house. Use words to tell me what’s bothering you.”
   
5. Redirect Their Attention: If possible, try to divert your child’s attention to something more positive. You can sing a song, read a story, or take them to play somewhere else.
   
6. Reinforce Good Behavior: When your child behaves appropriately, it’s important to praise and reward them. This helps them learn that good behavior receives attention and approval.
   
7. Take Care of Yourself: It’s essential for parents to also take care of their own emotional well-being. If you’re feeling stressed or exhausted, it will be harder to deal with your child’s tantrums. Take time for yourself, do things you enjoy, and ask for help from your partner, family, or friends when needed.

Tantrums Are Predictable

That’s right—tantrums generally occur in situations where the child feels uncomfortable. It’s not just “I want this toy.” One of our goals as parents is to analyze whether we can eliminate or change some of the factors that lead to tantrums. For example, we can give the child advance notice that soon it will be time to go home, or that “in a little while,” they need to tidy up their room and get ready for a bath. This way, we anticipate what’s going to happen, and the child has time to start thinking about it.

If putting on shoes or getting ready for school is a trigger, it’s clear that we can’t make these disappear.

It’s important for parents to understand two things: first, preventing a tantrum before it begins doesn’t mean “giving in” to a child’s demands. It means separating the undesirable tantrum reaction from other problems, such as complying with parental expectations. Second, by reducing the likelihood of a tantrum, you are also eliminating the opportunity for that response to be reinforced. When children don’t respond with tantrums, they learn to deal with needs, wants, and setbacks in a more mature way, and that learning reinforces appropriate responses. Fewer tantrums now mean… fewer tantrums later.se aprendizaje en sí refuerza las respuestas adecuadas. Una cantidad menor de rabietas ahora significa… menos rabietas más adelante.